Jeremiah 7-9

God lays down some pretty simple guidelines, be nice to strangers,the fatherless, the widows, don't kill innocent people, and don't go after other gods. I mean, I think that's pretty do-able.
Then its just more of the same we've gotten from the other prophets. God speaks his peace. I've done this and I've done that, and you've done what you want, when you want.
He is speaking of the people who may have a curcumcised body part, but it isn't their heart.
Their heart remains uncircumcised.

Jeremiah 4-6

God is telling these people if they will just listen and do as he says all will be alright.
Apparently they AREN'T going to listen. I know this, you know this, I feel like Jeremiah knows this. The only person who doesn't seem to know this is God himself.
Is He just a hopeless romantic? Has He been blinded by love? Is He caught up in the emotions?
He's in a bad relationship. The kind where everyone around you knows its over. You know deep down somewhere that its over, but you continue to grasp.
"Remember that one time when she girded her loins for Me? She does really love Me.And what about that time she wore that sackcloth dress, just because she knew how much I loved it?"
I think its time you both spent some time apart. Let something go and if it comes back it was truly meant to be (or as Wayne says "I say hurl, if you blow chunks and she still comes, then it was meant to be).
He's going to let them go. They are going right into the arms of an evil new boyfriend.

Jeremiah 1-3

I love a new prophet. Although I'm beginning to feel like these are the "hall monitors" of the holy land. I haven't really felt close to one since Moses. None since he seem very likable as people, which may be why no one listens to them. They all seem like grumpy old men. Like the troll who lives under the bridge, yelling and screaming at passers by.

After all don't you get more flies with honey?

Here's to hoping Jeremiah is different.

God chooses Jeremiah when he is in the womb. He separated him as soon as soon as he was born. And Jeremiah is used to speak for God at a young age. I'm feeling hopeful. A kid telling people about God, not THAT'S someone I would listen to.

Call up all the people and tell them I am mad, says God. Gird up your loins, boy!

Then God delivers his message, with goes something like this....I remember the good ole' days when you people loved me? That was a good time. Now you people are like hot camels and donkeys in heat, running after idols. So here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to bring a wrath down on you and lets see those "gods" save your butts. How does THAT sound you bunch of wild asses?

And we have lots of comparisons between cheating spouses and the people of Israel. And prostitutes and the people of Israel. And of course animals in heat and the people of Israel.

So far I give Jeremiah a thumbs up. He is speaking to the people in words they understand. He doesn't seem too angry as of yet.

Zephaniah

Zep has a mighty message from the Big Guy. He's planning on complete annihilation. Man, bird, beast, fish... (Completely off subject, but doesn't Molech seem like SUCH a Lord of the Rings character?!)
He has separated the followers from the not followers. They will survive I suppose.
The time for repentance is speeding by like chaff whirled before the wind.
The rest of the book is more of the same. Lots of fire and brim stone.
Chapter 2vs17 is nice however.

2kings 22-23 2chron 34-35

Josiah was 8yrs.when he started his reign of Jerusalem. He's was a great little fella. And he found a book, a magical book. This book told of God and the laws ones must follow in order to keep God happy.
The king apparently connected with book and sorta, kinda freaked out once he realized that they were living in a bizzaro universe. NOTHING they were doing was correct.
He did a ton of house cleaning. The little guy tumbled alters and crumbled idols and killed priests and saved children. All was good, he was the best the world had seen in some time.
So of course God totally changed his mind about Jerusalem. JK! He didn't. To little, to late suckers.
I think what he did do was see to it that the king didn't live to see him serve his cup o' wrath to the peoples. He was sleeping the good sleep before the smack down was layed.

Nahum

Prophet Nahum, who's name means consolation or comfort, lives in the time of the Assyrians reign of terror.
He starts his little tale with descriptions of God. He is jealous and vengeful. The mountains tremble before him and hills melt away.
He knows well who take refuge and trust in him.
God's going to help Jerusalem fight the Assyrians.
Nineveh is apparently the center of the Assyrian evil. Lots of talk of whoredom and harlotry. God is setting in motion quite a plan for these peeps. He's planning on sowing their nakedness (never a good thing, see there is a little good nakedness in the world and a WHOLE lot of bad nakedness). He's planning on throwing stuff at them which is going to make them filthy, so we can only imagine what that might be. Treat them with contempt, this one I love. I love it because, really what worse than someone treating you with contempt? Then the BEST of all "You will be drunk [Nineveh, with the cup of God's wrath]; you will be dazed. I love the idea of bad guys being drunk with a cup o' Gods wrath. This is like the third time someones bean served a helping of cup o' wrath. Apparently God likes it as well.
God tells the people to gather water, to prepare for a long fought battle. A battle, he then tells them they will ultimately lose. However its always best to be prepared.

2 Chronicles 32-33

Another retelling. This time we are retold the story of the battle between Hezekiah, who had God on his side and the king of Assyria, who didn't.
The king of Assyria is trying to tell the people how absolutely redonkulous it is to follow Hezekiah. A man who claims to be getting marching order from God. A man who has taken down all the alters and has people praying to one God?
The king of Assyriah then took up a letter writing campaign against God.
God helped Hez, and he kinda got a little big for is britches. God humbled him a little and he straightened up. He dies and his takes over, at 12 yrs old. He rebuilds the alters to Baals. He builds alters INSIDE the churches. He burns his children as sacrifices and sets the dreaded carved images also inside of the houses of God. This guy is the worst yet, wouldn't you say?!
God tries to talk and no one will listen. He takes action and they all cry out for help. Ain't that always the case. The king cleans up his act and dies. His son Amon is in power. He goes right back to the evil ways and is killed by his servants, who are then killed by the people o' the land.

2 Kings 20-21

This was just a retelling of the story of king Hezekiah asking that yrs be added to his life.
We read about all the wicked things that the sons he had after he was granted more life did. One was even killed by his own servants.

Isaiah 64-66

I wrote quite a bit to sum up Isaiah, then I accidentally erased it.
I'm a genius sometimes let me tell you...
I haven't it in me to rehash it all.
God basically says that he's really mad at the idol worshipers (as if we didn't know) They, he says, shall always be hungry and thirsty and sad and in pain.
We get our first amen, I believe. So that's nice.
Also there is some talk of heaven, also nice.
We are Gods ottoman, apparently.
(I'm just hitting the high points here)
And Isaiah ends with a bang that we still feel today.

Isaiah 59-63

Isaiah's tone has changed again. These chapters don't feel like the others ones to me either. These chapters seem like one metaphor after another.
Lots of talk of the wicked. "The way of peace they know not, and there is no justice or right in their going."
Then talk of Jerusalem as the bride to God's bridegroom.... and a look back to Moses and Egypt.

Is. 54-58

I'm liking Isaiah more and more. It speaks to the main problem I've always had with organized religion. I am surrounded by "Christians". Living in the south everyone claims to be a Christian. 95% of the people I know go to church every Sunday. (I am only speaking of the people I know, I am not making assumptions about anyone that I don't know) I see very little Christian- like behavior from theses "Christians" and so I've always associated their poor behavior with all Christians.

Jamie and I have talked about this soosososooo many times....

So anyway, I am loving all the talk about doing good works as opposed to fasting for God. He is looking at theses people and going "are you for real?"....again as Jimmy Buffet put it "there's a fine line between Saturday night and Sunday morning...."

Is.49-53

This part of Isaiah is like "Jesus.....The Prequel". If you were an alien, reading this book completely cold, then Isaiah would totally give away the climax of the story. Like "The Magicians Nephew" the prequel to "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" (written AFTER all the others), Isaiah gives away an awful lot of stuff.

Nothing lasts, not the heavens or the earth, nothing except God's rightness, justice and salvation. This may be comforting to kids who see Where the Wild Things are and worry that the sun is going to die, as Max did.

God is taking away his cup o' wrath from his people and is giving it to their oppressors. So that's really good, I think. I had a cup o' wrath the other day and it really made my acid reflux flare up.

Chapter 53 was really really Jesus-y.

2 Kings 18:9-19 Ps 46, 80, 135

More politics. In the 4th yr of King Hezekiah's reign the king of Assyria came and took Samaria. He then sets his sites on Judah, they don't just roll over though. Hezekiah first offers them gold and silver to leave them alone. The king of Assyria was less than impressed and set men to find out why these people are so bold as to assume they can buy their way out of this. The men give a long speech in the language of the Jews', of which no one understands. They ask that they repeat that in Samarian. This made me chuckle.

Then we get a cameo appearance from Isaiah. He comes with a message from God. He tells Hezekiah to not worry, He's got your back. And indeed he does. God takes it from this point and smites and smotes the Assyrians.

Ps 46:
Let be and be still and know that I am God.
I like this because "be still" is something I try to teach my kids at school. We practice it after we leave the lunch room and are in the hall waiting for our chance at the bathroom. I tell them "its time to practice being still" MUCH more than just standing in one place.I tell them to still their eyes, their brains, their bodies, their ears.....just BE still.....its really, really hard for them. They are getting better at it though.
I think its really really hard for any of us to BE still. We are so busy and so trained to think of two steps ahead at all times that quieting our entire body is impossible. I try to be still and just take in the peace for a few minutes every morning (if I get the blog up in time).

80: give us just one more chance

135: Yea God, Boo idols...

Is 44-48

Who is such a fool as to fashion a god or cast a graven image that is profitable for nothing?
I feel like God can't seem to get over the idol think. We just said that he forgets all of our sins. He doesn't seem to be forgetting this one.
He's going to punish and shame even the men who make them. He goes on and on about it. "Should we just fall down and worship every tree we see" He asks?
He's going to make the crooked path straight. So that they can find Him more easily.
Does the clay ask the potter why he has no handles?
No, because clay can't talk.
God explains that He doesn't hide away in darkness and only speak to a selected few. He is accessible to everyone. He asks that all the idol worshipers come together and explain what they are getting from these gods. I think that's only fair.
God says that he shan't have his name polluted by destyroying his chosen people. Wow, Gods come a long way. But he also says he will not allow the idol worshipers to win. Also fair.
If only, says He, had you listened to me. You would be sooooo much better off.
There is no peace, says the Lord for the wicked.
...I hope so

Is 40-43

Prepare ye the way of the Lord, prepare ye the way of the Lord.... That's the opening song of one of my fav musicals Godspell.
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.
I love 40:20-21, again in a nutshell he is saying...the idols again?! Really!? Seriously people!? Haven't we bean over this?
We are simply grasshoppers. God can take out the judges and rulers with a sneeze.
There is more talk of Jesus coming.
God says that he has held His peace for a while and He shan't do it anymore. Now he shall cry out like a woman in travail. He will gasp and pant together! He's taking down mountains and drying up pools. God talks a gain about the people only coming to him in time of need. He tells them that everyone, including Jacob has sinned. It seems to me that He's saying, let's just but all of that behind us and look forward. Let's work together to be better people. This is the reading that I like, the reading of hope and promise, of compassion and understanding.

Is 37-39

Still a bunch of "he said" "he said" between Jerusalem and Assyria. I for some reason am finding Isaiah really hard to get into. I just don't like the feel or the flow of this book. The king of Judah is on his deathbed. He has no sons so he begs for his life. God grants him 15 more yrs. In that 15 yrs he does have sons. The one that ultimately takes his thrown turns out to be supa horrid. So should we ask for what we don't have, or aren't getting?
Some of his sons also get taken away to become Eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.

Isa 35-36

So many names. I'm not really sure what's going on in chapter 36. I read through it few times and couldn't really follow it. All I know is people are eating poop and drinking pee. Hezekiah is saying that God will deliver these people? But the king of Assyria is saying that's a bunch of bologna?

Is 31-34

Egypt is going to fall for helping Judah and Judahs going to fall for being helped by Egypt? The Assyrians are going to be taken down and made slaves by God himself.
BUTT then, once "a king" arrives all good things shall happen. People will begin to understand everything, hear everything, see everything, no more studderers, no more idiots.
I like vs 17 of chapter 32. And then....gore. The Lord is indignant against all nations, and his wrath is against all their host.

We ALL know how wrathful God can be, when he's angry.

I now know what He was doing with all that blood from sacrifices...filling up and enormous sword with it. He's going to take people out with a sword made of blood and fat.

The grounds going to be so gross that only pelicans and porcupines and owls and ravens will want to live there.

Odd.

Oh wait, and jackels and apparently Native American ostriches.

And the night monsters (the boogie man?).

And kites, ah yes kites. Every kite shall have a mate.

That may have bean the oddest reading yet.

Isaiah 28-30

Isaiah is a really really depressing book. Fading flowers, drunk priests, filthy vomit... Isaiah is telling the people that their "do a little good here" and their "say a little prayer there" is not enough. When they reach out to God it will be as if the bed is too small and the covers too narrow to wrap up in.

He goes on to chide the people who think they can hide their wrongdoings from God. LOTS of exclamation points in this book, I feel like Isaiah is a screamer. We get a metaphor of God as a potter forming us, this I like...

And then promise of all the great that will come if they will just get it together. Smash the idols people....7 days of sunlight in ONE day. I'm going right now to smash something to see if we can just get one day of sunlight....just one.

Hosea 8-14

More talk of the sins of Israel. Its apparently the teenage years. Israel is rebelling, trying on different hats, trying to push the boundaries....

I don't get however, what they're getting from Baal. Why continue to worship it, (him?) if things aren't going well. They must be getting something from it. I guess its the freedom they feel. Like being a teenager and disobeying everyone in authority....doing what you want, when you want, with little to no regard for consequences. But we don't abandon our teenagers. Most of us don't turn our backs on them. We acknowledge the trials and help guide them along the correct path.

In the last chapter of the book, God decides to do exactly that. He doesn't turn his back. He says "I will heal their faithlessness; I will love them freely, for My anger is turned away from Israel."

Hosea 1-7

WHAT is with all the prostitutes? Is it me or does book have more prostitutes than any other character? When kids read this, what are they told harlots are? How is that explained? In this book the prophet is actually told to go and marry a harlot, named and I kid u not, Gomer. So in my mind I'm totally picturing a female Gomer Pyle.
They have kids and name them very uplifting things like "not pitied"
Basically this family is the symbolic voice of Gods anger toward Israel. Each child represents an action God is taking toward the Israelites. They have another kid who get the, roll off the tounge name Not my people.
Hosea's brethren Ammi and sister "you-have-been-pitied-and-have-obtained-mercy" on the other hand have great names. These guys, I think represent the house of Judah.
It goes on to use the symbol of the harlot to explain the sins of Israel in choosing to not follow Gods laws.
Gomer cheats on her husband, just as Israel has cheated on God. God tells Hosea to go and buy her back because apparently she's become a slave.From what I can gather though, he is to treat her somewhat like a slave himself until she has proven her worth. Which is what God plans to do to Israel. See how its all related! Then there's a bit about raisin cakes and all I can think of are those gross Little Debbie raisin cream pies. Blahhhch. And then a bunch more about woman sleeping around. Daughters sleeping around, daughters in law sleeping around...this was written by men right? Hard to tell sometimes. We must remember though that most of this is symbolic harlotry. Cheating on God with Baal.
At the end of chapter 7 God gets really, really angry. He has a pretty moving monologue in which he says in a nutshell...REALLY!?

2 kings 18 1-8 2 Chron 29-31 Ps 48

We read first of a good king, really? Wow he knew there were any. He tore down all the images and broke the high places and even destroyed something Moses has made. I need some clarification on why Moses made a bronze serpent.
The Chron.reading goes more in depth. Its like the good ole days. He brings the Levites in the clean the temple (where have they bean?). Once its cleaned they kill he goats (I've missed the he-goats too) and they splash blood on the alter. Everything is just as it should be. This is good...right? Thinks are looking up.
The problem is there's a shortage of sanctified. The king is throwing an old fashioned Passover party and all the God fearing people are invited.
I'm confused as to chapt 30 vs15. Why were the Levites ashamed?

Isaiah 23-27

Chapter23 is all about the future of Tyre. The city, which is a great port city will be abandoned and lay desolate for 70 yrs. After 70 yrs however, Tyre will once again play the harlot, here meaning that it will serve many cities. Notes tell us that this did indeed come to fruition.

Then we come again to visions of the end of days. Its bleak, people....very bleak indeed. And everyone is included, masters as well as slaves."The new wine mourns, the vine languishes; all the merrymakers sigh. The mirth of the timbrels is stilled, the noise of those who rejoice ends, the joy of the lyre is stopped. No more will they drink wine with a song; strong drink will be bitter to those who drink it." I think its the idea of such silence that's the creepiest.

I think its kind of funny that Isaiah tells the "good guys" to go in their house and lock the door until all of this is over. Don't know why I find that strange.....but I do. All the evil will be wiped out and only the good will be left, am I right? Is that how this is going to work? Because at first I was under the impression that everyone was going and He was just going to start fresh. But then the whole thing with the supernatural dew confused me, does this mean these dead are going to heaven? Why aren't they there already? or does it mean that they are literally coming back to have another go at it?

Isaiah 18-22

Let's just start with a passage that describes my week thus far....Egypt has been caused to stagger.....as a drunken man staggers in his vomit. Its all about the vomit this week apparently.

Then we hear that Egypt, Assyria and Israel will become a trifecta of love for the Lord. Ok if God has the power to make the Egyptians follow his teachings, why didn't he just do that in the first place?I know it would have ruined the book, but it may have saved a few million lives?

THEN Isaiah is told to walk around naked and barefoot for three years?! You just know he was thinking, "what happened to the 40 days? This was a warning to the Egyptian people as to what would happen if they loose this war with Assyria.

Instead of repenting and covering themselves in sackcloth and ashes, the people decide to as Dave Matthews puts it "Eat, drink, and be merry....for tomorrow we die!" I just sorta feel like this is the way to do it. If you know you are going, go out happy and full.

You know how I love Biblical, pop culture references:

TRIPPIN BILLIES, Dave Matthews Band
We were above
You standing underneath us
We were not yet lovers
Dragons were smoked
Bumblebees were stinging us
I was soon to be crazy

Eat, drink and be merry
For tomorrow we die
'cause we're tripping Billies

We're wearing nothing
Nothing but out shadows
Shadows falling down on the beach sand
Remembering once,
Out on the beaches we wore
Pineapple grass bracelets

So why would you care
To get out of this place
You and me and all our friends
Such a happy human race
'cause we're tripping Billies

We are all sitting
Legs crossed round a fire
My yellow flame she dances
Tequila drinking oh our
Minds will wonder
To wondrous places

So why would you care
To get out of this place
You and me and all our friends
Such a happy human race

Eat, drink and be merry
For tomorrow we die

Isaiah 13-17

The downfall of humanity shall be a feast for the eyes, I tell you. Many many interesting images in these chapters. Some of my favorites include the dancing demon goats, ostriches living in houses, serving up tea....

And then there's the infants being ripped to shreds, the wives being ravaged....

All and all I felt like crap after I read it. I just want these guys to listen! HELLLLLLO people! But then again at some point you have to be put up or shut up. And I think God is just about to put up all over this promise land.

Lots of talk of prophecies being fulfilled in the notes. God said this land will be filled with demon goats and it was, this land will become a marsh land, and it did...

Why did I picture Mike Seaver reading this to me? Any ideas?

2 Kings 16-17 2 Chron.28

We have yet ANOTHER dud king on our hands here peeps. This guy not only burns incense (shouldn't it be insents?) but he even sacrifices his own son. Whatever! he may be the worst one yet.

Syria and Israel come to Jerusalem to start a war with this fella but are unable to conquer him. Ahaz, the idol lovin, incense burnin, son bbquing king of Judah asked for help from the Assyrian king. When Ahaz wen to visit the Assyrian king he totally dug his alter and wanted one built just like it.

He dies and his son, Hezekiah takes over (any idea why this book is called kings?) Israel also has a new king, Hoshea. Hes a bad guy. I know?! Surprising, right?

The king of Assyria takes the Isralites away because the SECRETLY did bad things against the Lord. Was it a secret though? really?

We get a reminder of all the warnings God has given these people and all the bad they ave done. He just wants them out of his site, all but the tribe of Judah. God finally takes Israel from David's line and gives it to Jehroboam.

Israel is now gone, out of the promised land and into Assyria. I think he HUGE that He didn't smite or slew the whole lot of them. A few books back and they would have all been dog meat, literally.

So the king sends a priest to go and teach these people about God and all he has done for their people yadda yadda yadda. They can dig it, kinda. I sorta see it like this "Yeah, thats really cool and all.....butt look what this god likes" and they burn up their kid.

Micah

Micah is very similar to Isaiah. More talk of the son of God coming, more talk of Jerusalem. Another long list of highly detailed stuff that He shall do to the bad people of the world. They shall eat and not be satisfied, they shall sow but not reap, sons shall dishonor fathers and daughter-in-laws shall rise up against mothers-in-law.

Its gonna be a hot mess, fo real.

But in the middle of chapter 7 there is a couple of beautifully calm and comforting verses.

2 Chron. 27 and Is. 9-12

Isaiah is more promise of doom and gloom for these crazy people, who just cant seem to get it together. First, however, we have more talk of this Son of God, fella. Where he is called my favorite nickname, Prince of Peace.

God is so angry that he isn't even going to give mercy to the widow or the fatherless....and he ALWAYS gives mercy to them, they are like his pets. I think God may have been the first parent to say "don't come crying to me when you break your leg", after warning your child not to climb a rotten tree.

God has a whole laundry list of stuff he's gonna do to these people. After hearing it I think Isaiah gets a little worried and wants to make his obedience, fear, and love known. In chapter 12 he gives his thanks and praise, just to be safe.

2 chron 27 is the short account of the reign of Jotham. He did "alright" in the sight of the Lord. He didn't give 100%, but I think he did better than most. After 16 yrs he kicks it and Ahaz takes over.