Judges 17-21

Numero uno- LOVE the name Micha

Numero dos- does anyone else feel like we were sorta dropped into the middle of a story?

17:6- we all know what that means. And we all know no good is coming from it.

First we get the story of the Danites (that one cracks me up). A Levite is living with Micah as his priest. Then the Danites come along and find him and take him to be their priest. But the bring with them the graven image that Micah had made? That doesn't seem right?

I'm not sure if we shall return to this story or what? Not much of an ending, not much of a beginning either actually.

This story was weird.

Back a gain to a "certain" Levite who is living with his concubine. Same guy?

By and by he goes to visit his womans dad and yadda yadda yadda...we get to 19:22.

I wish once again that I had a film of my face as I read this little tale of woe. At one point my vision got all blurry and I realized it was because my eyes were open so wide.

So here goes the tale. The Levite and his gal get offered a place to stay by one guy in the town, when no one else would offer.

He was a nice guy.

Some not so nice guys come a knocking on the door and tell the nice guy to send out the stranger so that they may have a little intercourse with him?! RANDOM weirdness. Is this common? Do gangs of homosexuals roam the country-side looking for strangers? Or do men, after they've had some string drank wanna screw other men?

So the nice guy begs that the man instead take his virgin daughters? So much for nice guy. Why is the strangers soul more importand than his daughters?

In the end they send out the concubine. Her soul is gone anyway as she isn't married. I say good choice.

They have their way with her all night and throw her dead body on the doorstep when they are done.

Crazy story, right.

But wait there more..

When the Levite finds that she is dead, he CARVES HER BODY INTO 12 PIECES and mails it out to all the land.

Now THAT my friends is a story, with an ending worth talking about.

So now there must be a battle, a battle within the Israelites. They must do battle with the Benjamites. The Lord is on their side however, as the Israelites do feel that this somehow isn't right. The Benjamites are also Gods chosen people. So they continue to ask, should we? They should, cause they are FREAKS.

The battle ended and the Israelites decided they will give none of their daughters to the remaining Bens. But they did not want a tribe to fall out of existence so they needed women. They killed a whole city of people except the virgins and gave them to the Bens.

Alas, there wasn't enough.

So they tell the Bens to watch this "festival" in hiding and when the virgins come out to dance, take as many as you need.

They do.

All is well.

For a book that was so full of brave, strong women it makes sure it ends with women in their proper place...property.

Judges 14-16

Women! Can't live with them, can't kill em! I have no idea why the title of the book isn't Women, instead of Judges.

Samson loved women. I think he especially loved women that he wasn't really suppose to have.
We begin with his first wife. She was a PHILISTINE for goodness sake. His dad was like "are you kidding me!" But Samson demanded and I suppose what he wanted, he got.

Then he kills a lion with his bare hands, our first glimpse of his unusual strength.

On his way to his week long wedding feast he sees the lions carcass and a swarm of bees have taken up residence inside and they have a hive and some honey. And he ate some and he gave some to his parents, whom he did not tell from whens it came (imagine that explanation! Gross-o!)

LOVE 14:10, why that custom didn't stick around!

Then we get the weird riddle, if his new in laws can figure it out then they get a whole new wardrobe and if they can't then he does. Btw, I LOVE linen, so I would be all about this bet.

"Out of the eater (lion) came forth food (honey), and out of the strong came forth sweetness"

Is he the strong? And his love for his wife the sweetness? Or is it just the lion and honey again? Of this I am not sure.

Well nobody can figure it out so the in laws convince the wife to get the answer out of him as the REALLY want that linen underwear.

She does, cause men are sooo easy. Don't we all know what she did? Yeah, we know.

He got mad and said "if you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle"!! WHAT!? Ooooh man! that is HARSH!

So he kills em. And takes their clothes. And his dad thinking Samson must hate this woman gives her to his friend.
Samson gets angry a gain and does some weird wacky stuff with foxes and burns down all their grain. Then they get mad and end up killing the girl and her dad.

THEEENNN they capture Samson and he grabs the still moist jaw bone of an ass (yuummmmm) and kills 3000 men with it.

Then he's thirsty.

Ok I need to ask this; Samson being a Nazirite (Nazi, for short? Jk,jk) from birth, he is not to cut his hair, touch a dead body, or something else?? Can't remember the third. Do the lion and the jaw bone not qualify as dead bodies? Just wondering aloud.

Enter Delilah.

After visiting a harlot, he meets Delilah. He falls in love and his doom is set.

The Philistines convince her to play a double agent and find out what is his secret strength all about. So she asked him. Straight out, no beating around the bush, no tricking him.

He obviously knows she's up to something so he lies to her once, twice, three times a mady... And each time the Philistines show up after she has bound him with the rope of the day.

Now I just wonder, at any time does he find it strange that after he tells her that this particular thing will bind him, the Philistines show up in their bedroom??

Ahhhh what we are blinded to by love.

Finally the fool tells her! WHAT!? Fo real?! He tells her God is his strength and that by cutting his hair he will be breaking his convent with God.

So she has him shaved and they come and take him and bore out his eyes. But he asks God for forgiveness and God listens.

He gives him enough strength to cause pillars to fall. Killing himself and all the people gathered on top to watch him be tortured.

I wonder if Delilah was there?

Judges 10-14

Hallelujah!!! He finally gets fed up with these people. But only for a moment...

Very strange story about the new leader, Jephthah. He takes the lead and goes to fight the Ammonites. He speaks to the Lord, making a vow that if He will give the Ammonites to his hand, then when he returns home he will give as a burnt offering whatever, or whomever comes from his door to greet him.

Strange

First, what could be the "whatever" that would "come forth from the doors"of his home? A cow? A goat?

Second, human sacrifice is sorta frowned upon. So why did he even suggest that he would bbq "whoever" comes forth from the doors

Guess who comes forth? Suppose you were writing a story, and you needed a VERY dramatic climax moment such as this. Who would you have come out?

His only child!! Who happened to be a GIRL!! Kill! Kill!

Now the notes at the bottom of the page want me to believe that all he did was send her into the mountains for 2 months and that her lifelong virginity was what he meant by "I will offer it or him up as a burnt offering" but I can hardly make that interpretation gel in my mind.

If he did, then doesn't that sorta makes vows we make to God, very very open for interpretation?

Which I don't mind, don't get me wrong. When I said "God if you just help me get to Key West and back safely, I will kill my dog Buster when we get back" I totally meant that I will never let him go in the front yard without a leash. So I'm good with this whole thing.

And then we have a bit of the same ole, same ole. A series of judges, and the Israelites fall into bad habits a gain.

The Angel of the Lord comes and tells a the wife of Manoah, who is barren that she will give birth to a child. (So put away the strong drank) This child will begin to lead Israel out of the hands of the Philistines. Where the Lord has put them because they are misbehaving.

And so was born Sampson

And a weird riddle.

Judges 8-9

I was thinking about "bad guys" after I read this morning. There have been bad guys before of course, but have we read an entire story about one before? I can't think of one.

This story is about Amimelech, he is Gideon son, whom he had with his maid servant.

I've gotten ahead of myself though. 1st we have chapter 8 wherein as Gideon wins his battles and is told by the people to rule over them, he and his sons and his sons sons, for he has delivered them from the hand of Midian.

So it goes that Gideon has 70 sons, including our "bad guy". Gideon eventually dies as we all must and before the last heap of dirt is placed on his grave, the lunatics have takes control of the asylum once more.

Its so true for most of us that we NEED to have someone in charge, to set our limits and to remind us when we are doing wrong. However the wrong guy grabs the reigns this time.

Back to where I started. The bad guy takes control. Now I may be wrong but I think this is the first one who has taken control, that God did not first speak to.

He begins by slaying all 70, lest on wo gets away, brothers. Now he is Gideons only son, and so should righfully, in his eyes, be the leader.

Long story shortened, he's awful. He ends up in a city and has all the people trapped in a tower, of which he is about to burn. An old lady droppes a stone from the top of the tower and it hits him in his head and is killing him. He turns to one of him men and says "kill me with your sword, so people can't say I was killed by a woman".

What-EVER!

So I just want to end todays by saying....Did you hear about that guy Abimelech?? He was totally killed by some old lady with a rock!! Isn't that hilarious!!!

Judges 5-7

We didn't get the reading assignment for today, so I read what seemed like a reasonable amount.

We begin with Deborah and her song. What I liked most about this was in 5:28. She is telling about the death of Scare by Jail. We see his death not from his murders point of view or from Deborah's point of view, but from his mother's. Reminding me that no matter how horrible a person is, he is someones child.

The notes at the bottom of my page say it best

"who should 1st suffer anxiety if not the mother? Of a wife, nothing is said; such love thrives not in the harm of a prince. He is his mother's pride, the great hero, who has hitherto been invincible. What she has in him, and what she loses, concerns no other woman"

We see too familiar names next, Gideon and Ophrah (who Oprah was named after, but someone in her family misspelled it)

As I said yesterday, the Israelis aren't doing so well and finally we get another appearance from our dear old friend the Angel of the Lord. I think he musts been on a little vacation, perhaps with Joshua?

Anyway he comes down and speaks the Gideon and tells him to go and put bibles in everyones hotel rooms. And after that to amass an army cuz they're about to kick some wild ass.

He's not sure the Lord is actually who he says he is, sorta like Abe Froman. But he cooks him some meat on a rock and all is well. For now anyway.

God has him do a little "house keeping" some tearing down of alters, some building of alters and then another test. Not 100%, why the consuming of meat by a rock twasnt enough, but to each his own.

I do think God is patient with these tests, especially this fleece one. First Gideon lays a fleece down and says "if you are truly going to deliver Israel by my hand, then make to dew only ON the fleece and not on the ground"

And in the AM, he wrung it out just like a sham-wow.

Was that enough? Nope.

Then he says....just once more? Don't be mad, but if we could try this just one more time. This time though, if you could do the opposite. Which I think is clever, because he may be making sure it wasn't coincidence. Like maybe dew was attracted to the fleece or something. But in the morn, the fleece was dry and the ground alllll dewy.

Now he can get to the business of gathering a big, giant army. But wait, there isn't going to be a big, giant army is there?
Nope.

Couldn't anyone win with a big, giant army? Perhaps.

But what if, you have a tiny, little army of 300 and you win because you have God fighting for you.

And so that what He does.

Now I'm stopping here because I'm about to throw this phome through my beautiful picture window! Its frustrating blogging on it, hopefully I will get the computer thing sorted out today.
Wouldn't that be something to write about.

Judges 1-4

Those rascally Israelites are at it again. They have no leadership, in human form anyway so they fall into old habits.

This is why I feel like teaching through fear doesn't work. If I teach my students that if they misbehave they get hit, then do they ever learn why they should act properly? Or do they simply learn to act correctly out of fear. And once that fear is removed, say the principal is out one day, will they act correctly? Usually not. Just like these guys, if they must have the fear hovering over them, are they genuine? Obviously these people don't do right out of the pure goodness of their heart. Isn't this the way we train animals?

Its what I tell my students every year. I tell them I will not hit them, that they will learn to behave for the sake of behaving, not out of fear of physical pain. Its hard but by the end of the year I always have one of the most well behaved class at my school.

I digress, but again I do love to talk about my students.

Anyhoo, God is angry because they have not done what needed to be done. They didn't kill everyone who needed to be killed. We both know how I feel about that, so I can hardly feel anything but a sense of relief.

And then we get Deborah. She decides that enough is enough and like any good woman she takes charge of the situation. Her and another gal, Jael who kills Sisera.

Joshua 22- 24

Something is amiss with my internet so I am once a gain blogging from my phone.
We see the end of Joshua with this reading, both the man and the book. It kinda seems like once these people do what needs to be done for the Lord, they die.

Its similar to what I used to be afraid of. I used to honestly believe that once I felt a moment of pure joy I would drop dead.The idea being that I was put here to struggle and learn and once the struggle was over, so I would be.I really should be a Catholic, I have the guilt and the "suffering is good" thing down pretty well. So anyway, I constantly kept things in my life really crappy.

I sorta feel like Moses and Joshua should have had a few years of just kickin back with nothing to do. However as Jamie sees it, they are doing that and much more in heaven. I guess if you look at it that way, its a great deal
.
Everyone is getting settled into their new homes they didn't build. In their new cities they didn't build and tending to their new land they didn't plant. And thanking the Lord for it all.

We get a little review again in these chapters, review all the way back to Abe.

And I did appreciate 24:15 that the people were told bluntly, that they have the choice to leave. I know it has always been an option but I like that here it's stated plainly. I'm all about choices.

joshua 16-21

Here we just get more dividing up of space. Also, a few reminders about the Levites, the cities of refuge and the others who have already received their inheritance.

I looked for quite some time this morning for that map. The closest I could find was this?

I'm not sure I even want to get into the fact that what these people today suffer is because of this book. The lives that have been lost, for what may or may not be a totally made up agenda.

On a much more upbeat note, its funny how much wacky stuff there is out there related to the study of the Bible. Yesterdays opening picture was a linguistic map of Joshua and today I found a study of the math of Joshua.

http://www.labuschagne.nl/11.josh1-8and24.pdf

Joshua 12-15

http://www.esv.org/blog/2008/04/mapping-linguistic-sentence-paths.

Check out that site to read about the diagram above, some pretty weird wacky stuff.

Chapter 12 is just a list of all the kings and such that Joshua has dealt with. Then in 13 the Lord is telling Joshua what is left to be done as well as how the land should be divided up amongst the tribe who are to receive land.


Caleb pipes up and says


"Hey, remember how Moses said I was so crazy brave for wanting to fight those giants for the Lord? And he promised me an inheritance of land.....Yeah,well I'll take those hills over there."

And so he recieved Hebron.

Today when I looked for pictures of Hebron I found a couple of really nice ones like this











But mostly I found pictures like this


Which always leads to the thought, is this what religion has become? Is this what God had in
mind when he said these people could have this land?

How interesting that the last sentence in 14:15 which is refering to Hebron is "and the land had rest from war"





Then we get more land division, which looks a little something like this:







Now if Jamie would please remind me what he wanted me to look up and add about the land, I shall do it tomorrow.

joshua 9-11

We begin our journey today with some people who are basically scared out of thy minds.

They've heard the news and would rather be slaves than be dead. So, they come to the Israelites with a made up story. The story goes, we are travelers from afar and we have NO idea who you people are but we would LOVE to serve you, let's make a deal.

Just like always, it wasn't long before the gig was up and everyone knew the truth. They were terrified that they were going to be killed so they agreed to be servants?

Is this open, honest, love for the lord? Or is it fear of what the outcome will be if that love is not given? Sorta like hell?

Is Joshua a great military leader? Can we give him props for that if its the Lord who's telling him exactly what to do? Not only that but He's causing the people to panic so that it makes it that much easier. This goes back to the discussion we had earlier, about how non-Christians are capable of great things all on their own where apparently Christians aren't. All their glory must go to God. So really Joshua didn't do all that much?

So here we have the day the sun stood still. The Lord did this so that Joshua could finish what needed to be finished. Although this may seem far fetched, if you believe any of this stuff, you have to believe this too. Is it such a big deal for a God who parts seas, talks through a donkey and has water flowing out of rocks?

Nope.

Just another day at the office.

Then we have a lot of smote-ing, and by a lot....I mean a lot.

We also have slewing.

According to the notes at the bottom of my page, every single one of these people are guilty of sinning against the Lord. Therefore this is why He has decided that every single one of them must die. But then I think back to when the Israelites were just babies and people were stealing an cheating and you said that this was before the 10 commandments and so it wasn't a sin yet.

Well these people have never heard of the the 10 commandments. SO how can they be expected to follow the teachings of a God they don't know? I know we have been over this before so you don't have to answer, I know what the answer will be.

Joshua 5-8

Ah I do love a battle. And I do like to imagine grown men having to be circumcised, it sorta makes up for childbirth, we should take that practice up today.

But first things first, we have the little issue of the smarty pants who took the stuff and didn't think God would notice. When when these people learn?

Never apparently. He said "DON'T TAKE ANYTHING"

However, I do find it odd that the next time he tells them to take what they want? Make up your mind Big Guy, it tends to get confusing...

Joshua has big shoes to fill, I would hate to have to follow Moses . So when the guys fled from the battle you know it had to feel like a punch in the gut (and NOT in a good way). He went back, put his face in the dirt, put dirt on his head and felt a bit like a failure. It didn't last long though, God told him what was up, that some smart guy took some stuff and He was sorta mad about the Isrealites breaking thier promise and thats why they fled. Find the guy, find the stuff, burn it and all will be right with the world....

so they do....

and it is...

Now we get to the odd odd Jericho story, in a nutshell it goes like this: horns, yelling, walls come a tumblin down.

And THEN we get the really cool story of the battle for the city of Ai.

Here's the plan, Joshua has his men split with some hidden.

He has the group in front start the attack, the men from the city come out and start fighting. Then Joshua's men pretend to be losing and high tail it for the wilderness...the Ai men chase after them. Once they are far enough away the men in hiding come out take the city and burn it to the ground. As the citizens of Ai stand and watch their city burn the Israelites turn on them and kill them all, except their king who they take back and hang then burn.

Although I could say....for what? What was this for? Why did these people have to die? Just so the promised people could have this land?

I'm really just going to say, HOW awesome was that strategy?!

Joshua 1-4

We have made it to Joshua and I am pretty stoked I must say, being a rabid Battles BC fan.


Interesting story to start us off. Josh (do you mind if I call you Josh?) sends a couple of folks to the city to spy.

They of course go to a harlot, who wouldn't. She does good however, harlot that she is and hides the fellas when people come looking for them. She tells the spies that the people are very worried. They have heard about all that this God can do, and that He has promised this land to His people and frankly they are all a bit freaked out.

She asks that her people not be killed since she has helped them. They agree and tell her to hang a red thing in her window and as long as her people stay inside they will be safe but if they leave (a bet someone leaves) they shall be slain.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Josh is stopping the Jordon from a flowin'! Why Moses and the Red Sea get all the props, I don't know.

I guess technically, he doesn't stop the river, the Arc of the Covenant does, so perchance that is why. Josh has the men folk take 12 stones out of the dry river bed and use them to set up an alter.

His reason?

Same reason we put plaques and such to remember events, So, in later generations, families can take long boring road trips to see the 12 stones.....pretty smart eh?

Deuteronomy 33-34 and Psalm 91

Well that's it Moses is gone.

I must admit that I did cry. That's right people I cried. Although to you who know me well, this shan't come as a big surprise as I cry at almost anything. Yes I am one of those who cries at commercials. I cry when telling one of my parents how great their kid is doing in my class. I cry when the wind blows too lightly....or too hard....

The Israelites cried as well.

They cried for 30 days? 30 days is sort of an insult I think. EVERYTHING else these people do they do for 40 days. I think they owe Moses 10 more days of tears. Isn't Moses at least worth the full monty?

For real though, Moses was cool. He's like that character in a book you read, the one that you think about all the time. And it takes you a minute to remember if you really knew that person or if he was just someone you read about. You catch yourself thinking, "I wonder what he's up to these days?" and then you realize......

If there is a heaven and I make it, the first thing I'm going to do is set up a dinner date with Moses. We'll hash out all the world's problems over a couple of glasses of strong drank.

Deuteronomy 30-32

First I have to say I am so glad to be on a for real keyboard. Secondly I will be very happy to once a gain have spell check.

I believe we are reaching the climax of our journey. I'm hoping the next book is called "Ready, Set, Gooooo" But I'm not holding my breath.

So guess what? WE GET A SONG. Yep that's right bees and gees, nope its not the Song of Solomon, its not ol' Walt's Song of Myself, its Moses, we get the song of Moses.

Moses knows that this is it. He's 120 yrs old and if not now, then when. When will he take that chance at a singing career, cause his star is about to die.

Personally I think its tired song, I've heard it all before. Its like he's a 60 rock cover band. More review. God is Good, God is Great, Lettuce thank Him for this food....lest we be slaughtered.

Let me put aside my ugly cynical mind and say I'm sad to see Moses' sun setting. I love Moses. I am totally going to miss Moses, the funny way he would fall on his face when the crazy Israelites would get outta hand! The way he always smelled like burned animal flesh. He's like the nutty old uncle at the family reunion....

He goes on to tell them that they are going to screw up, and that God is gonna get them for it. You totally know those idiots are just looking up at him and rolling their eyes, thinking "yeah, yeah, yeah, we've heard it all before!" but the crazy think is, they have heard it all before and they've also seen that He don't play.

deuteronomy 28-29

Blessings, curses, women eating afterbirth.

deuteronomy 24-27

I forgot to mention the wounded testicles guy in 23, I remembered him as I was reading in 25 about the woman getting her hand cut off for grabbing the guys "private parts"that is fighting her husband. I thought to myself, "man that's randomly specific, you know that came about after a specific inncedent". Then I was brought back to the no injured testicles rule. Ah ha I said aloud, these two are related.
I found a couple of really good positive things today. Perhaps its my new beach, perhaps its the doves singing to me in the background or perhaps I just want to find the good in all this just a tad bit more today than yesterday.
I love the bit about, should you miss something in your field or vinyard, leave it. Someone will need it.
Also, something I struggle with myself, having two weights. Being a teacher of a very low socio-economic class of kids, I fight the urge everyday to hold them to a lower standard than I would the class of kids across town. But what keeps me grounded is looking out the window and across the steet to their neighborhood. If I judge them with a lighter weight then there, they shall stay. But if I pull out the weight I hold my kids to, most will rise to it, or die trying. I have learned along the way that whatever expectations u set, these kids usually reach it. Its up to me to set it high enough.
I may have interpreded that in intirely the wrong way, who knows?
We finish today with some blessing and some curses. I feel like maybe they are all just standing there, sorta rolling their eyes "come on come on Moses!! Enough, we get IT! Give thanks, follow the rules, take care of the widow. Can we go NOW?" Its like the mother of all pre-game pep talks.

deuteronomy 21-23

Man o man o man, I CANNOT wait till Jesus shows up. I am trying with all my vacationing might, to stay positive. If I can't read this with a brilliantly positive mind whilst sitting on a secluded beach early in the morning (my fav time of day) then I can't do it anywhere.
Good news first (I always take the good news first, when asked "there's good news and bad news, which do you want first?"
What I found in todays reading that seemed like it made sense to me was, bury your poop. That rule was great. I can dig that one. (Pun, I PROMISE, not intended....he does work mysteriously!) Don't charge your people interest, that ones fine.
I guess I just have so many problems with all the rules regarding woman and sex, and there are many. If I dig down really really deep I can see a slight glimmer of what might be considered understanding. I get the virgin thing, its a BIG deal!!! (I've erased about 5 different times, because I'm trying to say this a delicatly as possible and there really isn't a delicate way). Some people hurt themselves accidently and when they have sex for the first time they may not bleed. So when the parents bring the sheet out and it hasn't any blood, then their daughter must be stoned to death. All because of an unfortunate riding accident. But more importantly, wouldn't God know this?
Then there is the poor gal who gets raped in town. She has to be killed because she either didn't cry out or she did but unfortunatly everone was busy?!
A soldier finds a women he likes in enemy territory, he may have sex with her, if its good he can keep her, if not he may let her go. Did I mention he shaved her head first? How good could it be with a bald lady anyway? Let's ask George.
There are probably more, but the sun is a risin and I need to enjoy my last morning at Curry Hammock.
Like I said at the beginning if concrete blocks were tied to my feet therefore I was forced to stay down below the surface I might could make heads or tails outta these sex laws. But then that wouldn't be free will would it?

deuteronomy 17- 19

Again you do have wonder how free will plays into "follow me or you will be taken out to the city gates and stoned to death."
We shall have a King. He is not to multiply wives, horses, silver or gold. He is to make himself a copy of these rules and keep it with him. God is to choose this king.
Back to the Levities. They get no inheritance of land. BUT they get all the best stuff. The firstfruits, the new wine (although we wine people know that that is no prize!), the good olive oil, the fall's new fleeses from old navy...
LOVE the word "soothsayer", absolutly underused.
We hear that me will raise up a prophet from their midst.
Manslyer review. Avenger of bood review. Eye for an eye review. Don't pity these people, this is one I have a problem with, I feel sorry for everybody. I'm a bleeding heart, although I must say teaching the under privleged has toughened me up somewhat. When I have student teachers I my room, I can see the look of complete horror on their faces as I speak to the children. Its the exact same look I gave to the teachers I was under when I was student teaching. After a few years you harden somewhat and learn that pity is going to get these kids NOWHERE. I still cry from time to time and I still REFUSE to have them paddled (yes, still leagal in louisiana) but I don't put up with most of their crap.
Know idea how I got on that track! About mid summer I begin to miss the little terds!

deuteronomy 14-16

You are special people, make no baldness on your forehead for the dead. Review of the food thing, an interesting law that I don't remember the last time, if something simply dies you can't eat it, but you may sell it to an alien. The child in my of course pictures this as a little green man buying a dead grasshopper from an isrealite.
If you can't carry your tithe of grain to the Lords house, he totally accepts cash. Just sell it and bring him the money. Today I hear they even take credit cards. Doesn't putting your tithe on credit defeat the whole purpose, as credit is money you do not currently have? I digress
So it says you sell your stuff, take the money to the Lords place and not give it to Him, but spend it on WHATEVER your appetite craves! Then it gives some examples, ready for this? Its pretty crazy, kids turn your heads "oxen, or sheep, or new wine or stronger drink!" Its gettin crazy up in here!!!
Give to the poor, the needy. Every 7 years creditors are to grant a release, and if you have a slave (so slavery is ok?! I find this strange?) You are release him after seven years BUT if he wants to stay because he loves you, guess what you have to do? NAIL HIS EAR TO THE WALL!!!
Review of the Passover, The Feast Weeks, Unleavened Bread, and Tabernacles
We end this reading with more warning against other gods. This caused me to wonder, if God created everything then where did the idea of these other gods come from. Who was the very first person to think this up? Didn't God know this was happening? I wonder why he didn't just stop it there, seems like he could have saved everybody a lot of blood shed? I know, I know...free will.but beyond that he had to know people were creating gods to explain things like weather, the sun, the moon etc...if he knew that he was going to kill them at some point for considering that then why not stop it before it gets out of control? Like as a math teacher, if I see a kid converting fractions to decimal and they are doing it wrong, I will correct them and teach them the proper way. I'm not going to allow them to continue to do it incorrectly and when they fail the test say "oh well, SORRY!!!"

deuteronomy 11-13

I wish I could figure out how to upload a picture of where I am blogging from. Its really quite insanely beautiful.
We are still reading Moses give the pep talk of all eternity. Lots more "remember don't eat the blood, you are the chosen people, God will do all sorts of smitting of enemies..." We are also reminded that if we should meet someone be them friend or foe that worships another god, we should stone them to death. Imagine if everyone (skinheads, muslims, radiacl christians...) would have just stuck with that. That would be pretty insane, right? Everyone stockpiling stones...

deuteronomy 8-10

This is going to short and sweet due to the fact that I am blogging from my blackberry. I join you tonight from Curry Hammock State Park on Little Crawl Key, Florida.
Chapter 8 was all about remembering what God did for the peeps lo those fourty yrs of roaming. Most notable for me was when he pointed out that they clothes never got old. How's about that for cool!
Its kinda more of the same, remember this, remember that. Thank me when you're full...
Chapter 9, explains to them why they are not to be afraid of the giants. He also says that it isn't because they are so great that they get all of this. As a matter of fact they aren't even all that lovable, but there fathers were.
Moses has his turn for remember this remember that. The tablets, the molten calf (do you think they're thinking "why you gotta bring up old stuff")the time God was so done with them, he was ready to smite the lot of them.
Then in chapter 10 we get more review and then Moses tells them why they should love the Lord.

Deuteronomy 5-7

More review, as a teacher I love review as a student, not so much...

I tell you what I did to make it a little more interesting though, remember the Chris Farley character on SNL.."remember that time........fill in the blank............that was awesome." I read it in that voice.

"Hey, 'member that time when Lord God hated EVERYONE else on the planet but us?........that was awesome"

"member that one time, when he said he said he would take all our diseases away and put on them!........that was awesome......remember it was for no reason other than he loved us and not them and remember they really did nothing wrong.......that was awesome"

Its really MUCH funnier if you know the charecter.

Anyway, we have Moses talking to the people and reminding them of the commandments, and the graven images and the bowing down and teach your children well......

Reminding them to not forget that they were chosen, don't forget it is God he gave them this land, their homes, their olives, their livestock...

No one will be barren, the peeps or the animals...

They are to actively speak the word of God. Sometimes because I have a very strange and childish mind, I visualize this stuff literally. So when it says to write it on your house and hands, and headbands and talk of it when you rise up and go to bed. I actually "see" all of this going on and its funny.

I must say that as a lover of history and art and as an Indiana Jones wannabe it pained me greatly that they were told to burn and destroy other people's alters, pillars, and images of their gods. I have to wonder how many beautiful works of art were destroyed for no reason other than they not be tempted by them?

Deuteronomy 1-4

Lets review, that's what these first few (+1) chapters were about. Basically God is saying. Here's what I said I would do and here's what I did.

LOVE the name Og and have asked a few good friends to refer to me from now on as Og.

As our peeps are traveling through the different lands in order to get to the Emerald City, they are told they can't bother the Edomites, Moabites, and Ammonites, as they are all related to this person or that person that is a descendant of this person or that person.

BUTTT they could take out the Sihon king of Heshbon, and Og king of Bashan.

Finally they reach Cannan and Moses is told that he isn't invited. Normally I would be very angry about this and worried for Moses etc... but Jamie talked to me and informed me that I just need to relax and wait and see how it all plays out before a get my panties in a wad. So that's fine that Moses did all this work and Joshua get to bring in the herd.

He reminds them to follow the feasts, the commandments, and I think Crosby, Stills and Nash said it best....

"Teach your children well, Their father's hell did slowly go by."

Also, tell the children about the time they heard a voice without a body talk to them out of fire....I'm soooo going to try that one with my daughters, it's sure to have them in tears in a matter of minutes.

Well boys and girls, ladies and gents my fam and I are taking the family truckster and headed to the Florida Keys. As we are a family of Parrot Heads its a bit of a pilgrimage for us. I will continue to read and post, Jamie says the readings will be a little shorter, and I say so will my posts.

I will most likely be blogging from my blackberry so if it looks a bit funny and my spelling and punctuation is off, lets go ahead and blame it that, ok? ok.

Numbers 33-36

We are creeping to the end of numbers. I can see Deuteronomy peeking around the corner. I must say that I get a little excited every time we reach the end of a book. I start each new book with the hopes that I will find something life changing, awe inspiring, or at least something that makes me feel happy and joyful.

The first chapter of this reading is just and account of the track the Israelites took. Where they started and where they ended each leg of the journey.

Then we get the boundaries of the properties given to each tribe. Out of everyone's land they were to give some to the Levites.

The Israelites were told to select 6 cities that were to be refuges for anyone who "kills any person unintentionally". This I didn't really understand.

We get a few more rules about killing someone and what constitutes murder and what doesn't. I did find a couple of phrases I liked a great deal, "avenger of blood" I think that would make a fine superhero's name and "manslayer"......LOVE it.

The daughters of Zelophehad, are given his land and told they must marry within the tribe. All of the land owned by each tribe was to stay within the tribe. No transferring land from tribe to tribe.

The end.

Numbers 28-32

The Israelites have a little battle and decide not to kill the women and children. I'm sure they were thinking they did pretty good for themselves. God will be pleased, was probably rolling around in their heads...

They get to camp and are met by Moses who is angry.

At what you ask? They didn't kill the women and children.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO KILL THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!!"

?????????? This book and this God never cease to amaze me (and not in a good way).

Because they were here anyway, the girl children were allowed to live as were the virgins, who were given to the returning warriors....so much for that brief glimpse at women's rights.

Everyone else was killed.

I just hope they killed the women first, so they didn't have to see their boys being murdered.

I wonder if they separated them, or did the little girls have to watch their mothers and brothers being slaughtered?

All in the name of God?

The idea of a "loving God" seems to be getting farther and farther away. I know he is also a vengeful God and all that other stuff... but, I was hoping to at least see a overall idea of love. It seems like in order to deliver this one group of people to their "promised land", even though they continue to disobey, everyone else must pay the price.



"Sorry miss, but you and your son just happen to be in the way of this large group of people I'm trying to move from point A to point B and because you don't believe in me (whats that???......oh you've never heard of me?? So you can't possibly believe in me?) bottom line is you DON'T believe in me, so you have to die.....and your little boy too."

I was hoping to find peace, love, understanding. The only real understanding I'm getting is about the radical people who kill in God's name. These people I totally understand now.

I'm also getting a better idea as to why the idea of Hell came along. Right now its looking to me like a whole lot of folks would look at this and think exactly what I'm thinking...

"why would ANYONE want to be a part of THIS?!"

.......and your answer is:

"because if you don't you will burn in hell for all eternity"

.......and to that most people say:

"oh, Let me look at that Bible one more time......read between the lines a little, dig a little deeper....there has to be SOMETHING here that I can hold onto"

...but then again I'm the skeptic

Numbers 23-27

Balaam and Balak are our two new characters, I like to picture Balaam as Shrek since he's the one with the talking donkey (or...I'm so sorry, I have to say it.....the one with the talking ass)

So, who are these peeps anyway? Balaam, son of Beor, was a prophet from Penthor, on the Euphrates River, and Balak, son of Zippor, was a king of Moab.

God speaks through Balaam, and Balak isn't really feelin it. Balaam speaks of the impending destruction of Moab, and Balak didn't like that, indubitably.

When we go back to our lowly Israelites we find them at it a gain. ONCE again they are misbehaving....I'm not totally sure I think these people are smart enough to do much of anything. But I will tell you what I'm beggining to think. What if we just CAN'T be that good all the time. Like, I've said many times before, these people actually hear the voice of God. God is leading them, he is giving them water out of rocks and bread from the sky. He has parted an entire sea, he has opened the Earth and swallowed them, he has sent serpents and fire. All of this and these people still mess up, go against Him and his rules, they desire, they complain, they covent. Am I being cynical in saying, If THEY can't do it....NO ONE can?

Meet our new hero: Phinehas who is a grandson of Aaron.

He's an up and coming star of the priesthood. Phinehas great act involves these two folks Zimri and Corzi. Phin sees that Zimri has brought a Midianite woman, Corzi into the camp and he totally turns the two into a big, giant, sin filled human shish kabob.

The Lord simply loves this and assures Phinehas he shall have everlasting priesthood. Then he tells Moses to go pick a fight with the Midianite....

We have then a bunch of atonement stuff and finally we find out that Moses may be getting a little break soon. God has him put SOME of his honor and authority upon Joshua, son on Nun.

I'm off to see the Wizard...Happy 4th

Numbers 18-22

I know there was quite a bit happening in today's reading with all the traveling through other lands and everything and Battles BC approaching. But man, all I can focus on is the fact that Aaron got axed!

"Aaron?!" you say.

"Aaron!" I say.

I see one of those musical montage's in my head. Moses, Aaron, God as a cloud....running through a field of manna....giggling, the God cloud hiding behind a tree and Moses and Aaron sneaking up on it and then everyone just laughs and laughs...Like the last episode of Seinfeld....."Time of your Life" playing.....

I finally figured out what happened to make God take out Aaron, thanks to Wikipedia. God told Moses and Aaron to SPEAK to the rock and tell it to give water. They instead HIT IT with there staff?! That is just too much, I think.

I feel so bad for poor Moses. That was is brother! I feel like Aaron understood a bit of what Moses was going through. He was surly the only one who DID understand. Now Moses has no one to share his struggle with. Did Moses then worry "what about ME?! what if I accidentally bring a lamb and not a ram, maybe the rhyming words confuse me"

I'm the person you see at a funeral, laughing. I always laugh when I'm really sad, or nervous. I say that because I don't want you to mistake my humor; I'm really bothered by this.

I don't get this one. Aaron tried. Aaron was there with Moses from the beginning. Is EVERYONE so expendable? This is one argument I can't see both sides of.

Like I said, there was some pretty good action in these chapters also. But I couldn't focus, i just kept going back to Aaron...

Oh yeah and there was a talking donkey....that in my mind was "donkey" from Shrek and spoke like Eddie Murphy

Numbers 14-17 and Psalm 90

I need to first take care of a little housekeeping business.....

A. I'm slightly disappointed that none of you boys mentioned the new layout

B. I want to invite the new readers as well as the ones who have been following us for a while to put your two cents in. We welcome your comments. I would especially like it if there were other skeptics out there.....People not 100% sure either way.

Let us begin.....

As I sat on my couch this morning, finishing up my reading I said out loud, much to the disdain of TuTu, my cat "COME ON, MAN!"

I don't know who I side with on this though. First, I find it odd that God is taking advice from Moses. Isn't he all- knowing? All-powerful? Why is Moses having to tell him to breathe deeply and count to ten, so to speak? I found that whole conversation unsettling. If He is so out of control with is wrath, what does that mean?

But I totally get why He's mad. I get it. Sorta. That's always been my problem with taking a really strong stand on any issue, I can ALWAYS see both sides.

I feel the Israelites. If they want to go back to Egypt and be slaves...whatever. I'm kinda with them. Why would I want to live in this "wilderness" (which btw gives the impression that its a really cool place like the Appalachians or something), fight giants and constantly fear that if I say or feel, or think the wrong thing that I'm going to be swallowed by the Earth. Man, THAT is pressure. I would have surly gone with the first batch.

But then I can absolutely see God and Moses point too. WHAT else do these people want Him to do to prove that he is in control?! Really? Seriously? IF I had not gone with the first group into Sheol, then I hope I would have been wise enough to just shut up and go with the flow. He has literally SPOKEN TO THEM. I'm not sure I buy this amount of ignorance.

I just can't wait till all of this is over, its a bit too Jerry Springer BC. All this back and forth, Moses and Aaron always falling on their faces, people dropping like flies, all the arguing, "Well, He told ME this!....Well, I heard Aaron say he was "all that", ooops there goes Moses again trying to calm the Lord down..."

I left today's reading feeling very frustrated. (and to top it all off, I saw tell of a "female" goat...not even called a she-goat! and oh how I dearly love the term she-goat, why did that also get taken from me....why?) FRUSTRATED

Numbers 9-13

Everyone who knows me knows I love a road trip and our dear Israelites are about to take the mother of all road trips. They are leaving Mt. Sinai, and heading out into the great unknown.

Before I go any further I need to ask, does anyone else find Dan to be a very strange Biblical name? I just don't feel as though Dan and Zebulon, and Gad should know each other. Dan, huh?

So they are heading out in order, always in order. A place for everyone and everyone in his place. They go along fine for a while and these poor folks start to get hungry.

I know...."How dare they, right?!" They have coriander seed cakes, which ABSOLUTELY sound divine (truly, no pun intended) to me. But these folks, like most of you weirdo's, they want some meat. MEAT, they not only want, they lust after the meat.

Ever heard the saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease? Well not in the case. In this case the squeaky wheel gets killed...with fire.

The Lord is so mad at these folks for complaining that he literally burns them up with fire. For real. That will teach them to lust after meat. Right? Wrong. They still continue to lust after meat.

Then the Lord gets sooooo mad that he completely turns all Trunchbull on em (you know, Trunchbull.....from Matilda, read the book if you haven't....fantastic) So, just like the Trunchbull does when she finds out that the boy ate a piece of her cake. She forces him to eat a gigantic one in front of everyone in hopes that he will get so sick he will vomit in front of the whole school. God does that. He does. I know!

He says "They want meat!! They want meat!! Ok they will eat meat until they vomit it and the vomit comes out of their nostrils." He then totally mocks and teases them. He's all "Boo hoo, poor us we were lead out of Egypt.....boo hoo we were slaves and now we are free and we want meat....booo hooo" He ain't even playin...he is angry.

I tried to see it from his point of view. I really did. The closest I could come was thinking about when we took the kids to Disney. There were times when they would be tired and hungry and overstimulated and would get grumpy. If they dared to shed a tear I would totally lose it. "WE ARE AT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH, I SOLD A KIDNEY TO BRING YOU HERE AND YOU WILL NOT SHED A SINGLE TEAR! YOU WILL HAVE FUN UNTIL YOU VOMIT (OUT OF YOUR NOSE)"

I suppose it was similar. The only difference though is that he didn't really sacrifice anything, did he? I guess the point is, he did this for them and they agreed to go along. So if they have no meat, they should rejoice in no meat.

Then we have a little drama with Aaron and his wife. They get together and gossip about Moses and his wife and they start to totally dis on Moses. And guess who hears? Yep...God. He hears them and calls a meeting and gives Miriam leprosy. Lesson learned.

Next we have a spy mission. Some men folk set out to the Wilderness of Zin and they bring back some grapes, pomegranates and figs....who would want meat at this point?

Guess how long they were gone?..............40 days!

They say that yea the land is great, the food, fantabulous. But the people are GIANTS. Caleb didn't care (little man syndrome) he thought they could take em.