Kings 1-2
David is defiantly and old guy now, he's cold and can't get warm. Thermostat, I don't even know how that thing works? (it really must be true that ever instance can be related back to a Seinfeld moment.........should we invent some sort of game like Six degrees of Keven Bacon?) And then you know he's getting old because his peeps searched high and low to find the perfect virgin to keep him warm, and what does old David do? Not her.
More drama fo yo mama. Nathan tells Bathsheba that it is not Solomon that is ruling but indeed it it Adonijah. He tells her to go and say to David...
"He David, whats up? I thought Solomon was to rule?"
David: " He totally IS"
Bathsheba: "No he isn't, Adonijah is"
enter Nathan...."It is true David"
yadda yadda yadda Solomon is king (that's 2!)
David had a little heart to heart with his son. Tells him to follow Gods will and always do what is right in his eyes.....and hey, if you have time kill that basterd that threw rocks at me that one time.....remember him? I cut him some slack in the name of God, but no need for you to.
With David gone and Solomon in charge Adonijah has but one request. He want to marry the hot virgin his dad didn't or couldn't sleep with. He has Bathsheba ask Solomon for this one thing, He got the kingdom after all, whats one hot virgin? Solomon doesn't see it that was and has his bro taken out. Well, this looks like its going nowhere fast.
Joab hears the news and high tails it outta there, butt is no match for Solomon and he too is taken out. Man o man, this is not looking good atall. He also kills Shimei, but I don't remember who he is?
3 comments:
I can't believe you used the word "ba$#er@" in a blog about the Bible. We must have left our thinking cap at work today.
Shimei IS the guy that threw rocks and cursed David when he was fleeing from his son.
This is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
seriously? After everything I've read in this book, you seriously think God minds that I use the word bastard to jokeingly describe a man who threw rocks at David? Rape, incest, murder, adultery...and you're bothered by bastard?!
He might mind. What does what other people have done have to do with that? So because others have sinned in the past, God doesn't care what we do now? Reading about something, and engaging in it are two different things....not that cussing is necessarily a sin, cause I think it probably isn't. And besides it wasn't really God that I thought might be offended or get the wrong idea, it's people. There are other ways to be funny, and descriptive...using foul language is the lowest of these. It's the memorization of humor.
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