E 40-41

Its hgtv, the Biblical version part 2.
This time is our dear prophet E, working side by side with a bronze angel. They are building another Holy of Holies. So now is this THE holy of ALL holies now? Not the last one they built. And conversely, will this one seize to be THE holy of holies when and if another one is built?

E 38-39

Gomer and all his hordes....great band name.

There shall be a war, and we're all invited.
So much for being nice and making changes for Israel.
God has a better plan, a plan involving Gog. His new plan is just to deliver all of Israel into the hands of their enemy and start from scratch.
The plan goes as follows, first help Gog to obliterate Israel, then obliterate Gog for obliterating Israel.
So who wins, you may ask?
The animals. They get a hell of a feast of flesh and blood..... or so goes God promise to them.

E 35-37

Down with Seir (in Edom).

So in chapter 36, God decides that the people of Israel are making him look bad. So hes going to do what he should have done all along.......make get inside and clean everyone up. He's going to sprinkle with water , give new spirits, out with the stoney hearts and in with the fleshy ones, take away famine, help everyone to remember how rotten they were so they will loath themselves.......

That'll show the bad guys, thinks God.

Then it gets C-R-A-Z-Y. As a slightly over the top dramatic effect symbolizing the rebirth of Israel, G and E bring the dead back to life.

God has E do some magical thing with these sticks that is to symbolize the joining of Israel and Judah. But God knows its a stretch. He knows no one will get it and he says to E " And when your people say to you, Will you not show us what you mean by these?"........ and He tells him what to say.
That cracks me up for some reason and makes me think of "Why don't you just TELL me the name of the movie you want to see"

I wonder is the people will come around after god does all this for them?

E 32-34

God sends E to Pharaoh with another lamentation. Oh yes, you read that right..ANOTHER lamentation. It basically says, "you think you are a lion, butt you are actually a sea dragon, and I'm going to kill you."
Then its on to the captives of Babylon. To them he sends a warning. God says that he may warn them when the sword comes at Babylon and if they don't take cover then, its there own damn fault.
BUTT if they don't get warning from the watchman, then its the watchmans fault and his blood shall be claimed.
I think that's fair.
The whole thing about warning the wicked or be held responsible is a total re-run. We've read this from another prophet, just a few books back.
Chapter 34 is a shout-out to the spiritual shepards in the crowd. Get those sheep in line! Stop worrying about yourselves and take care of the flocks.
"Now that I think about it" says God, "I'm just taking over this entire operation."
So God will find the lost sheep, feed and water the young.

E 28-31

So the prince of Tyre as bean fancying himself as God and God calls him out on it. "You think you are God? Handle this, big guy...." Says God. And he brings forth strangers. God then has E take up a lamentation (low blow big G).
Tyre was good, then went bad, is the gist of it.
Then its Sidon's turn (wasn't Sidon a place in Lord of the Rings?)
For Sidon...pestilence.
Next on the chopping block is Egypt.
For Egypt...the sword.
God tells Pharaoh plain and simply, I am against you, I made the Nile, it is mine, and I want it back....please and thank you. Then he breaks his arms and scatters his people.
And finally a tale. Pharaoh is a once fine tree, now a pile of broken and ruined sticks...

Ez 24-27

Another parable in which E plays a chef to God's recipe for vengeance against Judah. Jerusalem plays the pot....the pot which like a good cast iron piece, grows scummy and rusty if not carefully seasoned and taken care of.

And then God kills E's wife and forbids him to morn? And this is because?

On to the death of Tyre. It sounds like a really loverly place. In Chapter 27, we get a detailed description of the place, the likes of which I don't think we've gotten before.....about any place.

E 22-23

God tells man that he's brought all of this on himself. He's no one to blame. Tis is doing.
He gives a laundry list of wrongs that just princes themselves have done. Included in this list is some pretty freaky sexual issues. These people had quite the sex drive I can tell you that. We tend to blame the oversexness of our society on the extreme amounts of sexual images we a faced with daily; I'm beginning to wonder if that has much to do with it.
Then we get another tale of....you guessed it, HARLOTS.
In todays performance Aholah the elder will be playing the harlot Samaria and Aholibah her sister will be portraying the harlot Jerusalem.
This is a tale of a jealous lover (played by God) who must witness the lewd and frankly perverse behavior of his two wives.
I think it was a brilliant move by the Play Write (God) to tell this tale through the eyes of a jealous lover. What better way for someone to truly feel the anger, the betrayal, the rage than through the eyes of a lover scorn.
Bravo, God...Bravo.

E 20-21

God has E talk to the elders and explain what's gone wrong. He explains his side of the situation...Egypt, the Wilderness, the milk, the honey...the idol worship, the harlotry. Its all here. He tells them to go ahead and worship thy idols, but keep his name out of it.
Then chapter 21 made little, to no sense to me. I'm sure, however that its about the death of Israel.

E 18-19

Well I did it A GAIN!! I wrote an entire post and then hit the wrong button on my phone (bean blogging from my blackberry as it is always handy) and caaaput. The enter button and the back a page button are both little bendy arrows and so I confuse them.
So A GAIN here's my reading in a nutshell (pecan)
A. Don't go near woman whom are on their period or God will kill you.
B. God doesn't like being mean, he'd rather you just mend thy evail ways.
C.Proverb about lions.

E 16-17

Israel is a horrible, harlot of a wife. Chapter 16 is a big huge long metaphor of Israels rise and fall as a great nation. She plays the part of harlot wife to Gods gracious husband.
In the end he forgives her and takes her back, under one condition. She must never open her big mouth again.
Then God feels like these people are ready for a riddle. I want to go on the record as saying that I don't feel like they are ready for a riddle.
He feels they are and He's the boss so E delivers the riddle. We aren't even given the chance to figure it out as the book presumes we need (help).
Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE a riddle nd refuse to be told the answer until I am given at least a few days to think about it. I am currently the undisputed laffy taffy riddle champion of...? Um...all the world? Yes! All the world.
I digress, the riddle is all about the end of Israel. Surprise, surprise.

E 13-15

Chapter 13 is all about the false prophets. If there is anything that God hates worse than an idol, its a false prophet. Remember how much he used to hate the unleaded bread....those were the good ole days when all we had to worry about was yeast.

Things are so bad at this point that God even has a few things to say about his boys, Noah, Daniel, and Job. He claims that while, indeed, they would be saved....their family wouldn't have bean. Wow folks, times they are a changin.

E 9-12

I forgot to mention how much I love Ezekiel bread, yumm-o. And I found a picture of the weirdness of the first few chapters...Back to the story of E.... Here's what we're going to do, says God...The temples have bean defiled therefore anyone whom cries out in anguish shall receive a mark on his/her head....they shall be saved. Anyone who doesn't shall die. This includes the elderly, the babies (how shall they know to be sad and feel anguish?) the virgins....anyone without a mark.

Isn't it funny (strange not haha) that a mark is a good thing, both here and in Egypt. In both cases you wanted the mark, you were marked not for death, but for life.

Then we have the return of the pimped out cherubim chariot. And then MORE descriptions of the wheels! The wheels have a very big role in this book, it has to mean something....why so much wheel talk?! Wheels within wheels...then I think they are describing spinners, but I'm not sure.....seriously for like 9 vs we read about the wheels.

E tries to show the people that God is going to scatter them throughout the world, by packing luggage and pretending to leave. I'm not sure anyone got the connection. These people don't need any more prophesy or proverbs, they obviously don't get it.

They need actions.

E 5-8

E's to get a haircut. He's to divide that hair by 3. He's to burn a third. Strike a third with a sword and throw a third into the wind.
Also take a few of those and sew them into your skirt and the rest you shall burn...
This is one DARK book, black. God is m a d.
As E's hair was divided and destroyed so will the people of Jerusalem be.
Seriously, dark. Dead bodies, scattered bones, pestilence....lots of pestilence. Hunger, wild beasts, blood, swords.
The cup o wrath is never ending it would seem.
7:9 is intense to put it mildly.
Then they (God and E) go on a sort of Eb.Scrooge type of trip to see all of the horrible things people do when they think no one is watching. Alas we see, Someone is always watching.

Ezekiel 1-4

Ok so Ezekiel starts off a little freaky, I adore freaky so I'm diggin it.
An appearance of 4 creatures, out of fire. They looked like men, but with 4 faces each as well as four wings. They had regular straight legs, but the foot of a calf.
And they were sparkley.
They had arms.
The front of their face was that of a man, the right side of the head however, was a lion. The left an ox, and the back was an eagle.
According to the notes, these are the ways Jesus is described by matthew, mark, e luke.
Then we get the wheel. These wheels follow around these creatures.
You read that right.
Wheels.
When they move the wheels move.
When they rise up, the wheels rise up.
It says that the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheel.
Then God appears in a big blue chair hovering over ice in a flame. There was a rainbow and I think a unicorn was pulling him. (That I my have added for dramatic effect....or did I?)
And now HE speaks...

He tells E all about the terrible rebellious people that he must straighten up. "Let's see if they listen to you...for good measure I want you to eat this book.
No dummy not figuratively! Literally. I've bean told it tastes like honey, I'm working on chicken but every time it comes out as honey? "
God gives a great pep talk to E and sends him on his way.
He sits for awhile, overwhelmed. Which I find refreshing. It is overwhelming, take that in, I say. Take a moment to understand what's been asked of you. Gather your thoughts and plans.
After his 7 days of thought. God returned.
He returned with some even stranger ideas in his bag o tricks.
He's got all sorts of ideas for E. Even cooking with poop. I love this book.

Jere 51-52

This is it, the end of the road for Babylon.
Jeremiah writes it all down for Seraiah to read and then cast away, when he come to Babylon.
In comes Nebuchadrezzar to destroy everything in Jerusalem. He crumbles the pillars and robs the churches. He takes some of the poor that were left last time. Leaves the poorest of those guys however. So if you're left you are supa po.
In the end the king allows the king of Judah out of jail. He even allows his to hang out with him a bit.
And that's the end of Jeremiah. I felt it started strong and ended sorta weak.

Lamentations 1- 3:36

Here Jeremiah laments for Jerusalem as well as all the other desolate places. He doesn't do a lot of "why?! Why?! Why?!s" though the "why's" are clear.
He does ask that all the foes of Jerusalem, who are LOVING the destruction of zee Lord, be brought down as well.
The cup o' wrath is piping hot and ready to go.
"The Lord has become like an enemy"
I like 2:13
Do you think Jere feels like a failure? He wasn't able to really get anyone to listen? Is that what chapter 3 is about?
I know jamie hearts 3:25-26 and really most of the rest of the reading. How many times have I heard this in the year since I've known him?!
Mucho.

Jer. 49-50

More and more anger.
Edom.....gone, Damascus..... feeble, Kedar, destroyed, Hazor.....jackal haven, Elam......dismayed and terrified.
However, the best is saved or Babylon. Chapter50 is basically 46 verses of Babylonian smack down.

Jere 46-48

So, I wrote one entry and then hit the wrong button on my phone aannnnddddd erased it. So I shall hit the high points.
A. Is Pharoh Necho the inventor of the so named wafer?
B. Chapter 46 is a liberal display of exclamation points. C. Moab is sacked.

Jeremiah 41-45

Ishmael is a slewin son of a gun. He slews so many that the bodies fill a cistern. There are so many people in this first chapter. I had to red it a few times to get it all straight.
With all this talk of Ishmael, is anyone else craving a fish dinner?
Jeremiah meets with the few people who haven't been slewn, smote, captures or burned. They ask that he speak to God on their behalf. He agrees (cuz that's just the kinda guy he is). They promised to listen to what he had to say, no matter what. You just know Jeremiah thought this was a breath of fresh air.
God tells them that if they stay, He shall take care of them. He even says that He will take off his white wig...
And then guess what?! Surprise, Surprise, some people didn't believe him.
He says, don't go to Egypt...they go to Egypt.
And so Egypt is gonna get it too! This is no God's turning his back stuff going on here. This is God is destroying and delivering peeps into evil. What he has built, he will break down....what he has planted, he will pluck up...

Habakkuk

I love these old icon paintings. This is one I found of Habakkuk.

As I started reading this book it sounded a bit like David's psalms. "O Lord, how long shall I cry for help and you not hear me..." Very Davidian.

Love this line " For the maker trusts in his own creation (as his gods) when he makes dumb idols" Adore the use of the word dumb here.

Also enjoy that the prayer of Habakkuk is set to wild , enthusiastic, and triumphal music. I'm really digging this book thus far.

"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering or responsibility]!

I think that's a nice prayer. I mean, what more could a person ask for in a God?

2 King 24-25 2 Chron 36

A re telling of Nebuchadnezzar's taking of Judah. He took everyone captive but the poorest of zee
land.
Then we have to red of the total destruction of the city of Jerusalem. And then lots of smoteing.
2 Chron 36:23? Where'd this guy come from?

Jer 38-40 Ps 74,79

I just wonder how many people listened to Jeremiah just in case. I think I would have. If someone came to Monroe and just kept on and an about swords and pestilence but said if I left I'd be ok...I think maybe I'd take a small leave of absence.
A gain Jeremiah is thrown into a dungeon where he is fast sinking into mud and is sure to die. But alas he is saved. He is saved by duh duh duh..."Ebed-melech the Eunuch" This guy has "you know what" to go to the king and tell him of Jeremiah's state.
The king commands that he be rescued.
Once rescued the king asks (ONCE A GAIN) Jeremiah to tell him what God has in store.
And I simply adore Jeremiah's response. He's like "really!? You do realize if you don't like what I say, your just going to have me put to death right. And I'm pretty sure that either way you will not listen to me. I mean...really! We've bean through this how many times!?"
However the king promised (in secret) to not have him put to death.
So Jer spilled the beans again.
And he didn't listen again and was taken by the Babylonians.
Jeremiah was given a choice as to where he wanted to live. He chose to stay in Judah.

Jeremiah 35-37

God sends Jeremiah on another errand. He is to go to house of the Rechabites and bring them to church and have them drink wine. These are STRICT no wine drinkers, by the way. They tell him that they are strict no wine drinkers, as a matter of fact they don't have a vineyard or even a house. They are tent livers and no wine drinkers from WAYYYY back. (are these peeps some type of nazarites?)
Then the story goes in a completely different direction than I though. God goes on and on about how this family have obeyed the commands of their fathers but not the commands of God. So I thought He was gonna let then have it, but he doesn't. He says that because they have listened to their forefathers then they shall never fail to have a descendant stand before Him.
Obey your parents, children.
Next on Jeremiah's mother of all honey-do lists is to write a book. I think God thinks that maybe if its actually written down, these people will listen. A last ditch effort?
Well it didn't work quite as planned. The king burned the scrolls, and Jer rewrote them and the king burned them.....
Then it's back to prison for our friend. And yet the king keeps asking him for advice. I'm not sure if the king thought that the tales would change or what? Why does he KEEP asking and then not following?

Jer 32-34

We open with our dear friend (if you were friends with a deer, would you say "my dear deer friend" or just "my deer friend",which would cover both bases if someone heard it, not red it. However, people wouldn't know that your friend was a deer. You would def have to specify that your dear friend was a deer or that your deer friend was dear to you.)
Jeremiah is in the pokey. That is, he has bean cuffed and stuffed.
Then God gets involved in some land purchasing, He's a real estate agent as well apparently.
David shall never fail to have a descendant on the throne and the Levitical(love the way that word feels to say) priests shall not fail to have a descendant to burn stuff.
Then I'm not sure what He's saying about that? Is he saying that He will break that covenant? 33:21
Zedekiah is told that he shall die, but a peaceful death it shall be.
God wants the Hebrew slaves to be set free.
So they do as they are told and set them free.
Then they do as they want and bring them back to be slaves?
I wonder how long it was betwixt the freeing and the re enslaving?
LOVE how the eunuchs are always included.
So Gods not to happy and I feel like Zedekiahs peaceful death just got tossed out zee window.

Jer 30-31

30:6? Odd?
God will devour the ones who devour you. He will restore you to health. He will multiply the merry makers.
If you people will just start behaving.

Jer 26-29

God has Jeremiah go to the temple nd speak to the people there. His hope being, they will listen and change their ways and help to change the ways of the others.
If so, He will relent.
Jeremiah did as God wanted and after he said his peace, they captured him and threatened to kill him.
I can't help wondering what would happen if God sent us a prophet like Jeremiah today. Wouldn't we do the same? How would you differentiate between a loony toon and a real prophet?
The princes, though, kinda realize they better not kill him. To be on the safe side. They remember all the other prophets in the past who we true men of God.
So that's good.
In 27:15 God talks about the false prophets again. He says that they are prophesying falsely in MY name. Not in the name of some other god. THIS is what I was talking about in the last reading when I compared them to the tv preachers. (Not all of them)Hananiah the prophet was also falsely prophesying in the name of God.

Jeremiah 23- 25

23:14 reminds me again of the tv preachers. (Not all of them). It actually goes on and on to talk about the false prophets.
And here God says something that I always think(23:24). These people claim to believe so firmly in the garbage they spew. And they KNOW they are lying. Do they not think that the God they are talking about, is watching with disbelief?
OR do they not really believe anything they are saying?
OR have they convinced themselves that the voice in their heads, telling them to take the old peoples money, is really God?
OR is it hot in here OR are they crazy?
Another field trip for dear Jeremiah. This time to look at some good and bad figs. Good figs, good. Bad figs, bad.
The Big Guy has a plan. He's going to get all the kings so drunk that they vomit. Then kill em. He's killing a bunch of people on the earth.
"Who's gonna bury them all?" you may ask.
No one, their dead bodies shall be dung upon the ground.

Jer 18-21

God loves the potter metaphor. This time when he uses it, he actually has Jeremiah go and look at a potter working at his wheel. Its like a little field trip for him. To make the learning more concrete.
Jeremiah is told to get a potter's earthen bottle. Take some old people and elderly priests and.... break the bottle!
19:9 is a bit freaky
We finally get a little action. Pshhur, who was the son of a priest heard Jer saying all this stuff and beat him up. Then he puts him in the stocks.
When he was let out, did he keep quiet? No. He went right back to his ranting.
He's getting p-retty dark toward the end of 20.

Jer 14-17

Lots of talk to begin with about false prophets. These people bother me today as well. The tv preachers who ask for money, these people I can't figure out.
14:14
I think this is strangely cool "Your words were found and I ate them"
Like 15:17 too for some reason.
This idol stuff is SERIOUS! God really and truly hates idols and by hate, I mean he HATES them.
I mean seriously, "can a man make gods for himself? Such are not gods"
Then at the end of the reading, we get a little old school God. A review lesson about not working on the Sabbath.

Jeremiah 10-13

O lord, correct, instruct,and chastise me, but with judgment and in just measure- not in Your anger, lest You diminish me and bring me to nothing.
We were once thought so highly of as to be called a green olive tree, not so much anymore. He's burning that tree down.
"You are near in their mouths but far from their hearts"....LOVE that!
God has chooses to demonstrate a lesson in a very strange way. He has Jeremiah buy a girdle, wear it, then hide it, then find it spoiled and decayed.
This, says God is what I will do to the pride of Judah and Jerusalem.
So, that was a weird lesson I think.
Then He's going to get them all drunk and dash them against one another.
Then, He ends a gain with "really?!